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I am just sitting here thinking about how this year has not gone as planned. I was wondering what to do now, I am totally overwhelmed with the thought of business and home life. So I am looking for a slightly different idea for this blog until life returns to normal. I thought I would share more of myself as a mom, business owner, an artist, and someone with a chronic illnesses. We are all struggle more than usual and I thought it would be nice to know you are not alone. If you like this a may turn it into a vlog.
Need to find a new way to do business that is safe for us all. I was doing online events way before this happened but no one responded, I hope that has changed now.
Well back to this year’s plans, I am missing all my craft fairs and ways to get out into community. I really do love meeting all you guys and chat about dolls and kids. Since everything is closed and school is out, I lost all sense of time. I do need a little bit of the schedule to feel normal or at least less anxious. I am one of those people who have to emotional prepare for things, the more stressful the situation the long I need to prepare. So this pandemic has put my already high anxiety higher, although I was prepare for the schools to close from inside info. It really didn’t click in my mind that they wouldn’t be going back at all even though I knew that too. Having the kiddos home for so long has really made the days feel less productive. I am trying to work on this but it is a slow process when your anxiety says you can only feel okay if you are laying down or napping. With my fibromyalgia I try to listen to my body to not cause a huge flare up, which can be horrible. I wish there was a better way but I have damaged my body pretty good already from extreme stress for over 21 years. Yes stress can kill you if you don’t handle it.
One thing I miss the most is Monday mornings after the kids go to school, I could sit with me coffee and not worry for 5 minutes.
Let’s not forget trying to clean up after 3 kids, all with special needs and stubborn personality. I love my kids but not having a minute without them home is making my brain hurt. Thank goodness for my mom, who has taken my youngest daughter to her house most the summer. My two youngest are opposite but act like twins, he has autism and is codependent on her and she is sensitive to any word he says. They are both at hard ages developmentally and physically, thank you hormones. I am not sure how remote learning is going to go with them this year but I am planning on the school not being any better than this spring.
Back to this Covid thing (sorry I like corky names), it has really messed with everyone in one way or another. As stated above, it has messed with me the most emotionally by lessening my energy even worse than normal. My fibromyalgia and my body and mood varies day to day so I am use to that part. But this is not normal, like I said in my last post, I want to work but I just can’t. Lack of energy and the ability focus make it hard to start anything that takes any amount of time to finish. In April I was sewing like crazy making masks by the hundred and I took a short break but haven’t been able to return to sewing. Three months feels like way too long but I understand I have to take my time getting back to normal.
It could possibly be that I have: mom brain, anxiety, ptsd, depression, and fibromyalgia brain fog. Wowers!
How can anyone think or focus like that? We all know we can deep down but with the world like this, I feel like why bother it will be there tomorrow (thank anxiety). I also have an uneasy feel that it is going to get worse by the end of the year. Especially, if the kids go back to in person school. What do you think??